In which Stupidity surrounding Medicine is dispelled

I realize I just spent 30 minutes typing out how I had absolutely no idea what to do with my new, wonderful and utterly useless blog thing. I quickly found something to be irked about enough to write about. Well, if you happen to read this, allow me to ease any completely unfounded and idiotic fears that are described in the following image:

Google has since gone into hiding to avoid abduction by the CIA.

Conspiracy? Yes, you read that right. Apparently Google users think we're living in the Cold War, where the government is always trying to beat the Russians by killing its own people. Or something like that.

To get right down to business, this is utterly stupid. I realize that the internet is full of stupid, and has a strange tendency to breed more stupid, but this is taking it a bit far. Mercury! Poisons! Viruses! Why don't people just assume there's something like "mind control probes" in there while they're at it? If the governments of the world wanted to murder people, I think they'd find a better way to do it than in a voluntary procedure. I realize that the CIA has done some pretty insane experiments in the past, but those tended to involve a few hundred people and not likely to obliterate three quarters of the population in one fell swoop.

But what's more logical, and sadly not as easy to sound angry saying, the H1N1 vaccine is the exact same type of vaccine that people have been getting for years and years. Fun fact: it's the same vaccine, except instead of having three or four strains of equally-awful influenza, it's only got the chemical markers for one of them - H1N1. So call it a poisonous cocktail, but it's the exact same thing these same people (possibly you) have gotten every year. As for mercury, it's kind of like saying there's poisonous gas and explosives in your food - we call it "table salt", and it's a prime example of how chemical compounds don't give a damn as to what they're made of. Same goes for the "mercury" in the vaccines; it was in a compound, and it doesn't matter anyways because vaccines stopped containing this compound in 2001.

So basically, if the government was trying to kill you, you'd already be dead. More specifically, assuming that the vaccines were that harmful at all, the seasonal shots a few years ago were more likely to do you in than the H1N1 is. Also, let's think about this. How does the government function? On money. Where does it get money? Taxes. (Okay, so maybe this isn't wholly accurate right now, but generally.) Now, can zombified and/or dead people pay their taxes? No. So is it in the government's best interest not to zombify/kill half of the population? Yes.

The only real, documented, and consistent danger behind the H1N1 vaccine is - are you ready for this? - eggs. From the CDC:

"People who are allergic to eggs might be at risk for allergic reactions from receiving influenza vaccines, including the 2009 H1N1 vaccine."

That's right. The government is trying to kill off people who are allergic to eggs. But first, they wanted to publicly warn everyone.

Sources:

United States of America. Center for Disease Control. Questions and Answers: H1N1 Influenza Vaccine. 13 Nov. 2009. 20 Nov. 2009 <http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/vaccination/public/vaccination_qa_pub.htm>